Startup diary: Why am I writing a diary?

Episode 2: The value of being seen

I was checking in with my accountability partner this morning (he’s in my men’s group), discussing my goals for today. I told him I’m feeling paralyzed in doing any kind of marketing for my business.

As I was talking through the emotional block I feel around promoting myself, I remembered that I’d received a message from a new subscriber the other day. She said my newsletter has been helpful to her as she’s investigating autism for herself.

She highlighted some posts as being particularly helpful. They were clearly the ones that felt the most vulnerable for me to write, like being blocked on doing my taxes.

So I proposed a new accountability for myself. To write a diary about my own felt experience in starting a business. As a late-diagnosed PDA adult. As a single dad. As a men’s work facilitator. As a scientist. As a soccer coach. I can at least describe what it’s like for me to move through these stages of healing and building, atop the complex landscape of my life.

Even when I hate it, I can still write about hating it. I can be in action, even if it’s to describe the frustration of not being in action. Even when I can’t stand to be seen, I can be seen in the impossibility of being seen.

That’s why I’m writing this diary. It’s an accountability to be seen. Because that’s what people are telling me is valuable for them. It’s not about how successful my business is. It’s about my willingness to be seen in the most vulnerable parts of my story.