Once again, I can totally relate to what you are saying. It can feel terrifying to choose to be yourself when you have masked for so very long. I had to let go of everything I thought I was and huge parts of my life. It felt like I was going to die- literally. The result has been like a phoenix rising from the flames. I feel freedom in a way I have never felt before...actually that really may not be the case. When I meditate lately I see visions of myself as a very young child and I can feel this same "energy" coursing through. It is as if it has been latent just waiting for me to come into my body...my true self again. It was so strange and quite frightening at first but now I truly welcome the feeling. It is like a death, but one with a gift...a death that ends with a re-birth. A new chance at the life I think I was truly meant to live. I am finally ready.
I hope that you will continue to unwrap the layers you have built up and that you get so comfortable with your self...your essence...your core...that you get to "rise" from those flames as well. I will be thinking of you...let me know when you fly free :)
Renee your story is so inspiring and hopeful for me. There is a part of me observing the transformation I’m going through, knowing it is necessary, and knowing it is beautiful.
I think about the caterpillar going into the cocoon. What does it think it’s doing? It’s natural and necessary for the next stage of life, but it must be like death for the caterpillar. Does the butterfly “remember” being the caterpillar? Or is it basically a brand new animal now?
I’ve wondered if being a human requires crossing these horizons into the unknown, in order for my consciousness to grow. There’s a description of the world and myself that reaches a halt point, where I can no longer move forward in understanding. And that description language needs to change to accommodate more growth. But I filter my reality through that internal language. So changing the language requires this “stop the world” action, like changing the engine on a car. If I try to drive at top speed while changing out the engine, it’s suicide. So my body just sort of goes offline for a while. But what’s happening under the hood is profound.
But ya in the moment, it feels like a kind of death. The death of my current self-description.
It can be so uncomfortable but I agree it is a necessary step in my opinion and experience.
I have been reading a really interesting book "The Untethered Soul" that has been giving me some new insight to these "parts of ourselves" the inner dialogue that shapes our experience. It is a quick and easy read, you may enjoy it!
What you call struggle, I call evolution.
You are going through a major life change right now. Give yourself grace to get back to yourself where you have always been, behind the mask. 💚
We so appreciate your vulnerability and are all here for it 💚 and for you 💚
You blow me away. So beautifully written. I'm in your corner. Always always rooting for you. Thank you for showing us your authentic self.
Once again, I can totally relate to what you are saying. It can feel terrifying to choose to be yourself when you have masked for so very long. I had to let go of everything I thought I was and huge parts of my life. It felt like I was going to die- literally. The result has been like a phoenix rising from the flames. I feel freedom in a way I have never felt before...actually that really may not be the case. When I meditate lately I see visions of myself as a very young child and I can feel this same "energy" coursing through. It is as if it has been latent just waiting for me to come into my body...my true self again. It was so strange and quite frightening at first but now I truly welcome the feeling. It is like a death, but one with a gift...a death that ends with a re-birth. A new chance at the life I think I was truly meant to live. I am finally ready.
I hope that you will continue to unwrap the layers you have built up and that you get so comfortable with your self...your essence...your core...that you get to "rise" from those flames as well. I will be thinking of you...let me know when you fly free :)
Renee your story is so inspiring and hopeful for me. There is a part of me observing the transformation I’m going through, knowing it is necessary, and knowing it is beautiful.
I think about the caterpillar going into the cocoon. What does it think it’s doing? It’s natural and necessary for the next stage of life, but it must be like death for the caterpillar. Does the butterfly “remember” being the caterpillar? Or is it basically a brand new animal now?
I’ve wondered if being a human requires crossing these horizons into the unknown, in order for my consciousness to grow. There’s a description of the world and myself that reaches a halt point, where I can no longer move forward in understanding. And that description language needs to change to accommodate more growth. But I filter my reality through that internal language. So changing the language requires this “stop the world” action, like changing the engine on a car. If I try to drive at top speed while changing out the engine, it’s suicide. So my body just sort of goes offline for a while. But what’s happening under the hood is profound.
But ya in the moment, it feels like a kind of death. The death of my current self-description.
It can be so uncomfortable but I agree it is a necessary step in my opinion and experience.
I have been reading a really interesting book "The Untethered Soul" that has been giving me some new insight to these "parts of ourselves" the inner dialogue that shapes our experience. It is a quick and easy read, you may enjoy it!
Added to my reading list!