There’s a scene in the reality show Coming Out Colton, where Colton Underwood comes out to his dad. I cried watching it, seeing how hard that was for Colton, and then seeing his dad show up for him with nothing but love and support.
Colton was driven to extreme behaviors as an NFL player in the closet. He hit rock bottom after he appeared on The Bachelor, culminating in a restraining order from his fiancé. It’s amazing to watch him recognizing his true nature, and processing that with his community, one conversation at a time. He describes the pain of feeling so constantly incongruous with his environment. It’s an anxiety that doesn’t ever go away.
I’ve been crying a LOT while watching this show. It feels similar to when I read a blog post by an autistic software engineer, detailing all the things he’s had to do to show up as a senior engineer at a big tech company. I was weeping as I read it. I had never felt so SEEN. That was the feeling and reaction that told me I might be autistic.
I guess this blog is me coming out on the spectrum. And I want it to facilitate a conversation with a lot of people in my life. I want to hear from other people on the spectrum, especially people who found out as an adult. How did their life reorganize after they found out? How do they co-regulate with their community? Do they show up differently in the world now?
The reality show I want to see is people coming out on the spectrum. If you’re producing content like that, please loop me in!
I hope you and your loved ones are safe right now. I know January has already been a lot for people in my community. I’m looking forward to connecting with more families on the spectrum this year, and finding new ways to support each other. 💛
You may be interested in the blog https://ndstoned.com/ by another Autist exploring cannabis use.