As I’m wrapping up a big round of job interviews, having done an interview almost every day for weeks, I’m reflecting on how interviewing has felt this time. I haven’t been drenched in sweat after each conversation, and I haven’t felt my heart racing all that much. Why the difference? I think it’s because I’ve been starting each interview by owning my actual needs as someone on the spectrum.
For example, I realized that doing real-time coding exams was too hard on my nervous system right now, so I only agreed to do take-home technical exams. And it was really interesting to see that the bigger tech companies typically couldn’t accommodate take-home exams, while the smaller ones often could. It felt like real signal: if this organization won’t co-regulate with me during the interview process, I have to assume there will be a similar deference to standardized processes over individual needs when I work there.
If this organization won’t co-regulate with me during the interview process, I have to assume there will be a similar deference to standardized processes over individual needs when I work there.
But the biggest, most divergent requirement was that I be able to adjust my productivity targets according to my felt capacity. If at the beginning of the week I feel my capacity is lower than the previous week, I want to have a shame-free discussion about that with my manager, and I want to have a mechanism for adjusting my demands for that week. This is basically an effort on my part to build self-awareness into my project planning process. I don’t want to drive with the breaks on anymore.
I don’t want to drive with the breaks on anymore.
Ultimately I feel that building self-awareness and having an explicit mechanism for co-regulation will vastly increase my productivity. But at this stage, it’s been really scary for me to talk about these needs. I’ve felt like I’m showing up to the interview completely naked.
I’ve felt like I’m showing up to the interview completely naked.
Everyone I’ve spoken with has been really open to hearing about my experience on the spectrum, and has at least checked if they have appropriate accommodations available. Some have not been able to accommodate, and that was a useful filter for me. This co-regulation signal has been the most important factor for me in choosing an organization to work with, even more than compensation.
This co-regulation signal has been the most important factor for me in choosing an organization to work with, even more than compensation.
When I told my friend in Brooklyn about that naked feeling in my interviews, he summed it all up really nicely: “PJ, at the end of the day, they either want to fuck with you, or they don’t want to fuck with you.”
He nailed it.
PS …
I have exciting news to share: You can now read In the Same Breath in the new Substack app for iPhone.
With the app, you’ll have a dedicated Inbox for my Substack and any others you subscribe to. New posts will never get lost in your email filters, or stuck in spam. Longer posts will never cut-off by your email app. Comments and rich media will all work seamlessly. Overall, it’s a big upgrade to the reading experience.
The Substack app is currently available for iOS. If you don’t have an Apple device, you can join the Android waitlist here.