I’ve got an interview with Facebook coming up. And I’m wondering, what the fuck am I going to say to these people?
I can predict how it will all go down. I’ll study algorithms for a few weeks. Then during the technical screen, I’ll sense the scrutiny of the smug Facebook engineer on the other end, and I’ll have a panic attack.
I’ll choke it down and soldier on through the interview. Maybe I’ll do well enough to get called for a second interview, and it’ll be another smug engineer giving me a standardized problem to solve, and my solution compared, apples to apples, to the database of thousands of solutions they have on file for this very interview question. Did I see that I needed to use binary search on a sorted array to find the correct array element in logarithmic time? Did I recognize the scaling issue where the array size is too large to pre-sort? Another panic attack.
I’ll briefly consider the possibility that I could train an AI to do this interview for me, think through that problem for a while, and eventually realize it’s probably equivalent to solving the Turing test.
If I get lucky and the senior engineering manager I talk to is mostly human, maybe I’ll temper the climbing anxiety in my body long enough to have a reasonably cogent discussion about my career and the value I can add to the Facebook team. Or is it the Meta team now? What the fuck is Meta supposed to be anyway? Do I have to wear an Oculus Rift to work?
If I’ve traversed the recruiting decision tree sufficiently well, I’ll get an offer. And it’ll be great to be making lots of $$$ , getting proper health care, and getting some sweet RSU stock to add to my budding tech portfolio. Woohoo I’m good to go!
It’ll take just a few weeks to have my first panic attack at work. It’ll be during a 1-on-1 meeting with my manager, where they’ll ask me how that bug fix for the font size on the web app is going. That bug should take about an hour to fix, and I’ve taken a day so far. Are there any issues I’m running into with the bug tracking system? Do I need to review the PR guidelines? Does the bug report have enough information in it? All good!
On my second day, I’m still working on the bug. Every time I sit down to do it, I wonder if I’m taking too much time. I have another check-in with my manager, and I sense she’s doubting me a bit. Is there anything she can do to support me in getting this simple task done? I’m well below the performance benchmark for engineers in their first week. Might be a red flag.
I’ll have increasing anxiety every week about starting out slow. I’ll be increasingly resistant to anything my manager suggests to me, because I sense she’s keeping some cards close to her chest. She’s got the option of severing my employment with minimal paperwork within the first 90 days probationary period. I make an educated guess at my manager’s calculus. I’ll need to double down and work through this panic attack to make enough progress today. Suck it up!
Eventually I’m having panic attacks every time I see my manager. The other engineers on my team seem to be doing just fine. The anxiety is making it hard to sleep, and I’ll try to compensate by exercising more intensely. My day starts to feel increasingly constrained, and now looking at my calendar is triggering me. How am I supposed to show up for all these meetings and get some work done at the same time?
It’s all downhill from there. Just a matter of time until I have “the talk” with my manager, where she’s required to put me on notice for underperformance. My first performance report has some red flags. I won’t be able to prove otherwise at this point. I’ll try to ride it out for a while. But there’s only so many times I can be triggered in a day.
My manager thinks of me as an underperforming senior engineer. I’ve showed promise during the occasional pairing session, but my Jira points don’t lie. I’m relatively unproductive, and it’s not clear how I’m adding value. Six months in, it’s too stressful to work, and I’m done.
Burnout number 4, in the bag. What just happened?
Rewind ….
Me: “Look, I’m ADHD, autistic, and dyslexic. I have executive function challenges. I’m very creative. But I work at about half the rate of the other engineers on your team. If you’re looking for someone to rapidly fix bugs and steadily climb the engineering ladder, I’m … not your best choice. If you’re looking for someone to suggest creative approaches to impossible problems, let’s talk.”
Facebook: Um. No thank you.
Me: Cool.
Oh that’s what happened. I didn’t want to have that conversation. Because that conversation is a non-starter. But right now, unemployment feels safer than burnout number 4.
Solving impossible problems sound much more fulfilling and of greater importance to the world than whatever issue fb is having. I'm glad you brought up the compensation package. The building of our own estates is possibly the primary obstacle/distraction that prevents us from spending more time working together for the betterment of us all.