A state looking for a story

Anxiety in the body conjures a supporting narrative

In this recent episode of his podcast, Tim Ferriss reflects on how he approaches self-regulation.

At about 1:04, he talks about a pattern he’s noticed in himself, which he calls “a state looking for a story”:

It’s the recognition that there is a somatic, body-centered experience of anxiety. That’s the “state” of the body. And his mind, he’s noticed, will try to come up with a story that is consistent with that state of the body.

I’ve noticed this too. There are experiences stored in my body. Anxiety is an experience in my body. It’s an experience of isolation, maybe. And my mind comes up with a story to match my inner experience.

And I go back to that story over and over. It has come to define me. It’s a strong story now.

But it’s still just a story. And telling it repeatedly to myself is reinforcing it. I tend to tell myself that I’m justified in feeling anxious. I tell myself that I have an inordinate amount of anxiety because I have an inordinately anxiety-producing life.

But then I heard Cyan Banister’s story (another recent gem from the same podcast this month). Her story is bonkers traumatic, complete with a narcissistic mother who manipulated her. And she realized in her adulthood that she had gotten into a rut, one that she herself had created in order to continue to remain consistent with her traumatic story.

When Cyan saw how she was reinforcing her story, she started to consider other possibilities. She became more sensitive to her own intuition. And her intuition guided her in new directions. She went from being homeless, to being a very successful Silicon Valley investor.

My story is just a story. And the root of my story is probably a feeling that lives in my body. One that I only recently started to become curious about. What would happen if I feel this unfeelable feeling in my body? What would it transform into after I feel it? What new story would be consistent with me being in that new internal state?

Cyan says:

You have to look at yourself, and even when you don’t like what you see, you need to love yourself. And once you do, there’s nothing but light on the other side.

That’s a hopeful message for me. It means there’s something beautiful waiting on the other side of that unfeelable feeling.

A new story, perhaps.