When I was a little kid, my best friend was my aunt’s Golden Retriever, Chucky.
Chucky was a prince of a dog. He would hang out with me in the forest by my aunt’s place. We’d explore the river together, and afterwards we’d chill in front of the fire, and he’d often let me put my head on his tummy like a pillow. He loved belly rubs, and he’d always roll over and stick his tummy out for one. I was always happy to oblige.
I’m a dog lover. I luuuurrrrrve dogs so so much. I can spend all my time with a dog, happily, joyfully. I love their can-do attitude, their natural team spirit, their undying loyalty, their boundless energy and enthusiasm.
But my spirit animal is not a dog. I do not naturally have the qualities of a dog. My spirit animal is much more like a cat.
If you took a kitten from its litter and put it in with a litter of puppies, how would the kitten feel? How would the puppies feel about the kitten in their midst? Perhaps everyone would be pretty confused!
As the kitten grows up, surrounded by puppies, she would have all kinds of challenges. She could eat the same food as the pups more or less. But her instincts to hunt would constantly be taking her away from the pack, out on her own. She’d crave the affection of her siblings, and her mom, but then she’d need a lot of space to roam. She’d learn what the pups’ barks meant, but she wouldn’t be able to emulate them, and her meows would be completely alien to the pups.
She would feel like a broken dog. Her instincts would be incompatible with the pack structure, but she’d still want to be part of it. Why, she would wonder, can’t she adapt to life in the pack?
The cat has a couple of options. She can dull her instincts in favour of the needs of the pack. Or she can realize who she is, and let her instincts take her far afield from the pack. And hopefully she can bring back treasures from places the pack can’t go.
She’s just wired differently.
I’m coming to realize that I am wired differently from most of the people I know. And that in trying to fit in with the pack, I have had to dull my instincts and put great effort into toeing the line. I’ve always wanted my spirit animal to be a dog, because I love dogs so much. And frankly I don’t usually get along very well with cats. But that’s a very cat-like thing, isn’t it? To not get along with other cats. Cats just don’t “get along” in the same way dogs do.
But it’s a terrible choice to have to make. Stay with your pack and be united, but claustrophobic. Or roam far afield, satisfying the instinct for open territory, and face isolation and danger.